I'm sitting here contemplating if I should even post this? But....you never know who is reading this and might be feeling the same way. Another photographer might be reading this and think, "Wow, I feel exactly the same way." And even more so, they might get some kind of validation that they aren't the only ones who feel like this.
Do you ever feel like everyone around you is so "Put Together" and have the most amazing FRIENDS and LIFE? Even when they are posting their "look at my messy house" pictures do you find yourself thinking that your world is still way more chaotic than theirs? (Side note: I probably should be doing laundry instead of writing this right now......or cleaning the toilet.......or filing that stack of paper on the dresser.....) We live in a world of constant social media in our face, its easy to feel overwhelmed, insecure and LONELY! At least I do anyways.
I'm not a good writer. My high school English teacher made that very clear with her rude comments on my papers. (She will remain anonymous even though she has retired and isn't torturing teenagers anymore--haha!) When it comes to blogging I struggle with knowing what to write. I know that I should be doing it on a consistent basis, but it's TOUGH! Dang it, I'm already off topic.....
Back to what I am seeing on social media. I see all of these people with, what appears to be, these amazing friendships and photographer buddies. Swapping head shots, 2nd shooting for each other, having playdates, etc. I WANT THAT. I know I have to work at those types of relationships.....but I want that. Aside from my husband, I literally find myself yearning for a type of friendship that is lasting, meaningful and open. The kind of friendship where the person just "gets YOU" and you don't have to put any guards up. We've moved around a lot in our 9 years of marriage (no, we aren't military) and I have found it difficult to build those strong relationships every time we live in a new place. I usually struggle with maintaining long distant friendships for oodles of reasons. I've also come to realize that I've got trust issues! haha! (Maybe I really shouldn't laugh about that, but perhaps putting it out to the universe will help me overcome them!) I find myself being more introverted until I get to know someone well. But if you look at that picture above you can plainly see that I am a total goofball. I love to laugh and make jokes. Not very many people get to see that side of me because I tend to stay at home WAY TO MUCH and I'm not an initiator. And by that I mean, I am not the one to usually make plans with others. That is why I usually gravitate towards those who like to take charge! haha :) Now I just sound like I'm rambling. Basically, I am looking to break out of my shell. I'm looking to forge new friendships in the photography community!
Now that I've re-read this it sounds like I'm putting out applications for a friend. hahahahaha! But....if you're reading this and you are a photographer and need a friend..... Oh gosh this is just awkward now. If you've made it this far BLESS YOUR HEART. I promise I'm not weird, I just need someone to hang with and take pretty pictures with. Are you interested? hahahaha Ok, I'm done!